ANNAPOLIS, Md. — A woman too afraid of her past to talk on TV, let the written word tell her story. A story of how Patti Slaughter, the founder of “The Bernie House” saved her life.
How Alice Anne Loftus from Leading Lady Coaching, coached her into her new career as a dog groomer.
How Julie Blamphin fromStretch Your Spirit lent support. And how Joe Calo and Ashley Hesgard from Maxed Out Fitness all got involved making sure the woman of words has money in the bank, her GED, new career and a new home.
To learn more about “The Bernie House,” click here.
Below is a three page letter written by a woman too afraid of her past, but her words will move you. She writes about a mom in and out of her life, in and out of schools.
About picking the wrong men, and about being beaten and bruised.
Through it all, she credits Patti Slaughter and the Bernie House for saving her life.
My life before the Bernie House: For one to understand the impact the Bernie House has had on my life they have to hear about my background. My childhood was marred by frequent moves and instability. My mom moved around a lot and she was not always able to provide housing for us. Sometimes, when things would become too difficult I would stay with relatives and babysitters. As a child, I did the best I could to manage these moves but it is not easy being a kid and having to change schools all the time or even having to make friends. The moves, the lack of structure and the lack of security that some of us take for granted affected my mental health; I was often anxious, introverted, and even depressed. Nevertheless, this was “my normal” and I did not understand how instability affected my life until I moved to the Bernie House.
When I was 15 years old, I met my first child’s father; what I needed was to feel loved and connected but ended up in a relationship with an incompatible person. At 18 years old I had my first child. The relationship at that point was nonexistent and I wanted more than that in life. So, I left and moved in with an acquaintance for a little while; that did not work so well so I eventually moved in with my grandfather.
After a short while, I met my second baby’s father I was 21 by then and hoped that things may turn out better this time. A year after we met, we moved in together. The abusive behavior started right away; first, it was more gaslighting but things got worse when I became pregnant with my second child. With no support system, and a health issue that I had to address right away, things got worse; I did not feel like me. My health was not in a good place and I had to take care of two kids. The child’s father encouraged me to stay home and take care of the kids. I agreed at first. He was going to support us and I would take care of the children. The financial abuse started soon after that. He threw money in my face to manipulate me and make me do things I did not want to do. During some arguments, he would shove me and then he would apologize.
Eventually, I got tired of living this way. I was treated like a house help; I was being abused and coerced to do things that I did not want. So, when the baby was old enough, I contacted the local Domestic Violence shelter. I was 23 years old and homeless with no support system and no car to get to work.
In July of 2022, I was offered to move to the Bernie House. I was nervous I was not sure what to expect. I was also somewhat excited to move somewhere that could be more stable.
When I first moved in, I was very anxious. I was worried that my stay won’t last. I had to find ways to go to work and I had to pay rent. I felt overwhelmed and I also felt some excitement about the possibility that life could get better.
Having freedom safety and stability started changing my life. While life had taught me to act tough and that asking for help was unsafe, the Bernie House showed me that people can be kind and that it is ok to ask for help. At first, I struggled to ask for what I needed, I was hostile at times and rejected what was being given to me. Getting help without strings attached was a foreign experience. It almost felt overwhelming.
Someone wanting to help me without an ulterior motive or expecting something in return was a new experience. Still, it all felt too good to be true, and I struggled to open up.
When I initially moved in, I was relying on my mother to go back and forth to work. As always, my mom was unreliable and she also took advantage of me and made me pay for car expensive repairs. I was making very little at the time and was afraid that she would sabotage my efforts to maintain the house. My mother sometimes would be in a bad mood and would not let me use the car so I would miss days of work. I could not even go to the grocery store without depending on my mother. Instead of penalizing me, the Bernie House helped me get my own car. I was able to go to work, and take my kids to daycare; I felt self-sufficient and so free. No one could control or threaten me anymore.
The Bernie House encouraged me to make a career plan and to think about my future. I admit that I felt resentful at first. I also was not familiar with future thinking. All I had done in my life up to then was try to survive and get through each day. I could barely keep up with kids and work and they wanted me to do more. Nevertheless, I started studying for my GED to get my high school diploma; I took classes to prepare for the test and I was able to graduate. Once I obtained my GED, TBH wanted me to start thinking about more studies. I find it hard to believe that I started school and now I plan to open my own business. I can now dream and have ambitions for the future. I plan to open my own dog grooming business. TBH supported me every step of the way by helping me find a business coaching class and a way to fund my school
I learned to manage my finances, I have a savings account even on minimum wage I save money and have increased my credit score.
Being excited about my accomplishments is a new experience for me and for the first time I feel proud of myself.
I am now in the process of buying my own house although it still seems unreal and too good to be true.
Patty took me under her wing and treated me like her daughter. She inspired me with her story about her dad. She genuinelywants to help women who have suffered abuse. She truly wants everyone who experiences domestic violence to be able to succeed and get the things they want in life. I wish there were more people like her in this world.
I can now imagine life in the future, having my grooming business and living safely in my own home. Having my ownhome will protect me from instability, and poverty, and it will protect me from those who otherwise could take advantage of me. It will provide stability for my children who will grow up unlike me, feeling safe and secure and eager to conquer the world with confidence and without fear.
While two years do not seem long, a lot can happen. And while everything seemed impossible and tough it showed me that I had strengths I was not aware I had. It helped me get back on my feet. Now I know how to ask for help only from people whom I trust and now I can look ahead into the future and smile with confidence.
